What Were They Thinking?
One of my favourite types of TV program is the quiz show. Everything from schoolkid-type questions on “Are You Smarter Than a 10-year Old” through to tougher quizzes like “Mastermind” and “University Challenge”. Comedy quiz shows like “Have I Got News for You” and “8 Out Of 10 Cats”… I watch them all.
I don’t know if it is the fact I can test myself or that I just like shouting at the TV. One thing I have always been amazed at is the lack of general knowledge a lot of people seem to have that manage to get selected for shows that feature members of the public. As an example, here are a few answers that I found/remember.
Simply The Best (ITV)
Phil Tufnell: How many Olympic Games have been held?
Contestant: Six.
Tufnell: Higher!
Contestant: Five.
Fort Boyard (Challenge TV)
Jodie Marsh: Arrange these two groups of letters to form a word - CHED and PIT.
Team: Chedpit.
University Challenge (BBC2)
Bamber Gascoigne: What was Gandhi’s first name?
Contestant: Goosey?
Beg, Borrow or Steal (BBC2)
Jamie Theakston: Where do you think Cambridge University is?
Contestant: Geography isn’t my strong point.
Theakston: There’s a clue in the title.
Contestant: Leicester.
The Weakest Link (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: Oscar Wilde, Adolf Hitler and Jeffrey Archer have all written books about their experiences in what: prison, or the Conservative Party?
Contestant: The Conservative Party.
University Challenge (BBC2)
Jeremy Paxman: What is another name for ‘cherrypickers’ and ‘cheesemongers’?
Contestant: Homosexuals.
Paxman: No. They’re regiments in the British Army who will be very upset with you.
The Weakest Link (BBC2)
Anne Robinson: In traffic, what ‘J’ is where two roads meet?
Contestant: Jool carriageway?
The Biggest Game in Town (ITV)
Steve Le Fevre: What was signed to bring World War I to an end in 1918?
Contestant: Magna Carta.
National Lottery (BBC1)
Question: What is the world’s largest continent?
Contestant: The Pacific
The Vault (ITV)
Melanie Sykes: What is the name given to the condition where the sufferer can fall asleep at any time?
Contestant: Nostalgia.
National Lottery
Eamonn Holmes: Dizzy Gillespie is famous for playing what?
Contestant: Basketball.
BBC Norfolk
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don’t know.
White: I’ll give you some clues: what do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you’re not weak, you’re…?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten’s first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So who had a worldwide hit with the song
What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
Late Show (BBC Midlands)
Alex Trelinski: What is the capital of Italy?
Contestant: France.
Trelinski: France is another country. Try again.
Contestant: Oh, um, Benidorm.
Trelinski: Wrong, sorry, let’s try another question. In which country is the Parthenon?
Contestant: Sorry, I don’t know.
Trelinski: Just guess a country then.
Contestant: Paris.
Beacon Radio (Wolverhampton)
DJ Mark: For 10 Pounds, what is the nationality of the Pope?
Ruth from Rowley Regis: I think I know that one. Is it Jewish?
GWR FM (Bristol)
Presenter: What happened in Dallas on November 22, 1963?
Contestant: I don’t know, I wasn’t watching it then.
Magic 52 (Northeast England)
Presenter: In what year was President Kennedy assassinated?
Contestant: Erm . . .
Presenter: Well, let’s put it this way - he didn’t see 1964.
Contestant: 1965?
RTE Radio 2FM (Ireland)
Presenter: What is the name of the long-running TV comedy show about pensioners: Last Of The …?
Caller: Mohicans.
Phil Wood Show (BBC Radio Manchester)
Phil: What’s 11 squared?
Contestant: I don’t know.
Phil: I’ll give you a clue. It’s two ones with a two in the middle.
Contestant: Is it five?
Lincs FM Phone-In
Presenter: Which is the largest Spanish-speaking country in the world?
Contestant: Barcelona.
Presenter: I was really after the name of a country.
Contestant: I’m sorry, I don’t know the names of any countries in Spain.
Radio 1 Early Morning Show
Presenter: How many toes would three people have in total?
Contestant: 23.
Notts and Crosses Quiz (BBC Radio Nottingham)
Jeff Owen: In which country is Mount Everest?
Contestant (long pause): Er, it’s not in Scotland, is it?
The Mick Girdler Show (BBC Radio Solent)
Girdler: I’m looking for an island in the Atlantic whose name includes the letter ‘e’.
Contestant: Ghana.
Girdler: No, listen. It’s an island in the Atlantic Ocean.
Contestant: New Zealand.
Rock FM (Preston)
Presenter: Name a film starring Bob Hoskins that is also the name of a famous painting by Leonardo Da Vinci.
Contestant: Who Framed Roger Rabbit?
James O’Brien Show (LBC)
O’Brien: How many kings of England have been called Henry?
Contestant: Er, well, I know there was a Henry the Eighth … er . er …three?
Richard Allinson Show (Radio 2)
Allinson: What international brand shares its name with the Greek goddess of victory?
Contestant (after long deliberation): Erm, Kellogg’s?
Chris Searle Show (BBC Radio Bristol)
Searle: In which European country is Mount Etna?
Caller: Japan.
Searle: I did say which European country, so in case you didn’t hear that, I can let you try again.
Caller: Er … Mexico?
Paul Wappat (BBC Radio Newcastle)
Paul Wappat: How long did the Six-Day War between Egypt and Israel last?
Contestant (after long pause): Fourteen days.
Notts and Crosses Quiz
Jeff Owen: Where did the D-Day landings take place?
Contestant (after pause): Pearl Harbor?
Daryl Denham’s Drivetime (Virgin Radio)
Daryl Denham: In which country would you spend shekels?
Contestant: Holland?
Denham: Try the next letter of the alphabet.
Contestant: Iceland? Ireland?
Denham (helpfully): It’s a bad line. Did you say Israel?
Contestant: No.
Phil Wood Show (BBC GMR)
Wood: What ‘K’ could be described as the Islamic Bible?
Contestant: Er . . .
Wood: It’s got two syllables . . . Kor . . .
Contestant: Blimey?
Wood: Ha ha ha ha, no. The past participle of run . . .
Contestant: (Silence)
Wood: OK, try it another way. Today I run, yesterday I . . .
Contestant: Walked?
Breakfast Show, Radio 1
Chris Moyles: Which ‘S’ is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
Contestant: Ummm . . .
Moyles: It begins with ‘S’ and rhymes with ‘perm’.
Contestant: Shark.
Steve Wright in the Afternoon (BBC Radio 2)
Wright: Johnny Weissmuller died on this day. Which jungle-swinging character clad only in a loincloth did he play?
Contestant: Jesus.
And we Brits think Americans are stupid! It makes you wonder, sometimes, doesn’t it?